Burned sausages

Leeds United 2-0 Schalke: The last BBQ

Written by: Rob Conlon
Mateo Joseph glistening with pre-season sweat and a superstar haircut

โ€œIf it would be that easy,โ€ Daniel Farke said after Leedsโ€™ 2-0 win over Schalke, โ€œweโ€™d have each and every day just a little barbecue.โ€ Somewhere in the deepest, darkest depths of Cornwall, Neil Warnockโ€™s thin lips must have broken into a shit-eating, I-told-you-so grin as he heard the music to his ears.

A barbecue on the beach has been a staple of Colinโ€™s pre-seasons for decades. A couple of burgers and a few cans canโ€™t do any harm, can they? It doesnโ€™t matter whether heโ€™s preparing for a promotion challenge in the Champo or a relegation battle in the Premier League, he takes his great bunch of lads to the South Coast for a rigorous training camp that just so happens to be close to his own house and Sharonโ€™s home comforts. It was no different during Warnockโ€™s summer in charge of Leeds, but he insisted it wasnโ€™t going to be a holiday for his players:

โ€œWe’ll mix it up a little bit. They can play a bit of golf and I’ll personally cook them a barbecue one day. They can go fishing down there too. After one of the games we usually go into one of my local pubs and have a buffet, get everyone together again before we head off. I don’t think any of this goes astray, even with all the modern methods.

โ€œI once took a team to China when I was at Sheffield United. We went all the way there and we had an opportunity to go see the Great Wall of China. Two players out of 25 wanted to go to see the Great Wall of China. I find that absolutely amazing. All the rest of them wanted to do was have their bloody earphones on and get their music pumped in. There’s more to life. But whilst it sounds like we’re going to Cornwall for a jolly, trust me – it’ll be ever so hard.โ€

The Sheffield United players no doubt preferred keeping their earphones in so they didnโ€™t have to keep listening to Colin waffling on about the spread at his local in Cornwall. Leeds trusted Warnock, but the warning signs were there when even Michael Brown, Luke Varney and co could make the hard work look easy. Wins over Tavistock (6-0), Bodmin Town (4-0), and Torquay United (2-1) ultimately proved unsuitable preparation for what was meant to be an assault on the play-offs by a squad led by a promotion specialist. They were closer to the relegation zone than the top six when he was eventually sacked on April Foolsโ€™ Day.

Sam Byram could have been excused for having flashbacks as Daniel Farke donned an apron and cracked out the firelighters towards the end of Leedsโ€™ tour of Germany. The trip to Devon and Cornwall under Warnock was Byramโ€™s first pre-season with the senior squad, even though Colin was still asking journalists what his precocious right-back was called. Byram ended the campaign physically broken, run into the ground after emerging as Leedsโ€™ best player surrounded by a bunch of losers. This time, he should have more faith in his teammates and manager, who have understood the value of putting the graft in before letting their hair down. As Farke explained after beating Schalke, his players had gone two weeks without a day off โ€” including a dominating performance against Hannover โ€” before he let them go go-karting while he tried not to burn the sausages.

Farke often suggested last season that the relentless schedule of the Championship brought out the best in his team, worrying that breaks in the fixture list led to his players losing their rhythm. The first half against Schalke was a good example of Farkeโ€™s argument that hard work pays off. It took until ten minutes before half-time for Leeds to run off the meat sweats following a couple of afternoons relaxing. To be fair to the players, they werenโ€™t the only ones. When the full ninety minutes was originally uploaded to LUTV, Bryan Law and Tony Dorigoโ€™s commentary had been replaced by painful white noise. Still, it was preferable to anything weโ€™ll hear on Sky from Andy Hinchcliffe or Don Goodman next season.

Illan Meslier ensured the game remained goalless by the time Leeds found their groove, saving sharply and unfussily from a one on one, before a flurry of chances towards the end of the half were missed by Wilf Gnonto, Mateo Joseph, and Brenden Aaronson. Joseph has become the cause cรฉlรจbre of Leedsโ€™ trial matches and wasnโ€™t going to let another opportunity pass him by. Early in the second half, a pinpoint pass from Joe Rothwell found Jayden Bogle in the penalty area. Bogleโ€™s volleyed cross nicked off a defender and towards Joseph, peeling into space at the back post to guide a simple header into the net.

Whether itโ€™s the new competition for a place in the team or a chance to go as under the radar as his movement, Joel Piroe appears to have benefited from the hype around Joseph, shaking some of the lethargy out of his play that frustrated supporters last season. He was introduced from the bench straight after Josephโ€™s opener, and quickly doubled Unitedโ€™s lead, nodding in his own header into the empty space at the back post.

The goal was created by a perfect cross from Georginio Rutter, who for all the talk of Leeds needing โ€˜a Pabloโ€™, continues to show that โ€” when heโ€™s not recovering from a hernia operation โ€” heโ€™s got more than enough magic in his boots to unlock defences. Pablo Hernandez is the best and most decisive player Iโ€™ve ever seen in a Leeds shirt, so yes, he would improve this team, but thatโ€™s like a fan lucky enough to have seen the Revie team saying Billy Bremner would bolster our options in midfield.

Farke was happy to keep his feet up, celebrating the second by staying sat down on the sideline, giving his players a brief thumbs up and fist pump. The end of the trip to Germany was his chance to relax as much as the playersโ€™. But while Warnock would have kept the barbecue out, ready to enjoy an extra few days at home in Cornwall, Farke is eager to get back to Leeds and back to training. โ€œSo far so good, I would say,โ€ he told LUTV. โ€œBut it’s still two weeks to prepare for our first match that really counts. For that we still have work to do.โ€ย โฌข

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The Leeds United players celebrate winning 3-0 against Birmingham City in the 1972 FA Cup semi-final
Don't be so f*cking daft