Hull City 3-3 Leeds United: Bordel de merde!

Midway through the first half, I opened the lid on a Pandora’s Box that football fans understandably keep shut. For all the football we watch, I wondered, what percentage of it do we actually enjoy? Leeds’ New Year’s Day draw with Blackburn had been eye-scratchingly bad, and having given Hull a slapstick opening goal before refusing to convert chances of their own, I was resigning myself to an afternoon of familiar frustration.

But then for 25 minutes after half-time, Leeds came out and lifted my existential gloom. They were excellent. Ao Tanaka’s first goal for the club, arrowed into the top corner from the edge of the box, was everything we hoped it would be. Dan James put United in front with a scrappy finish and showed off his brand new shiner in front of the away end, inspiring one of the great celebration images of the season. Joel Piroe woke up and struck a third out of nothing. Suddenly, Leeds were winning with piss-taking ease, and I didn’t care what percentage of football I actually enjoy — because when 25 minutes are as good as this, that should be more than good enough.

You do not need me to tell you that those 25 minutes weren’t good enough, and you do not need me to tell you whose fault that was. One more time with feeling: FFS, Illan, mate. Could you just…not?

There is no joy to be had from pinning yet another pair of dropped points on Meslier, but there’s also no avoiding it. While Daniel Farke focused on the collective rather than the individual, even he ultimately conceded: “They are mature enough to know we should have done better. We can’t hide or sugarcoat this situation.”

If we’re not going to sugarcoat it, then answer me this: what is Meslier actually good at these days? His distribution is worlds away from when he made his debut at Arsenal and was spraying passes around the pitch like Xabi Alonso in a pair of goalkeeping gloves. Those spectacular saves he made against Sheffield United in our first season back in the Premier League feel like they were made by a different ‘keeper. He doesn’t command his penalty area. He doesn’t catch crosses. His underlying stats are a mess, and more importantly he doesn’t pass the eye test.

As much as I’ve wanted to defend Meslier in the past, the fact is that whenever he becomes involved in a Leeds game, either with the ball at his feet or with attackers preparing to shoot at goal, I feel nervous. And if we feel nervous, you can bet that the defenders around him feel nervous too. Meslier can’t blame the players in front of him when opposition teams don’t have to aim for the corners of his goal, knowing that if they can hit the target then they’ve got a good chance it will go in. Abu Kamara hadn’t scored in his first seventeen appearances for Hull and was grovelling to their fans before the game. After his first outing against Meslier he’s now their new hero.

At this point, he’s run out of excuses. In the Premier League he could point to the shambles all around him and the sheer volume of shots he was forced into facing. But for the last two seasons in the Championship, Leeds have faced the fewest attempts on goal in the division. Some fans tried their best to bail him out after his fuck up at Sunderland, slowing down footage trying to prove it spun like Shane Warne’s Ball of the Century or hit a divot. Some blamed a theoretical concussion, or his teammates for giving away a free-kick thirty yards from goal in the build-up. But after conceding three goals at Hull to three shots that ended up in the middle of the goal, there’s nothing else to point towards other than the bloke between the posts.

It must be horrible for Meslier. Really. Knowing it’s your fault that thousands of fans are going home miserable sounds much worse than the train journey home from Hull itself — after all, that’s part of the deal of being a football fan. Shit happens. Loads. Particularly at Leeds United, and particularly for goalkeepers at Leeds United. But barring four games under Sam Allardyce at the end of the relegation season from the Premier League, Meslier has stayed in the team ever since he got in it. An extended break out of the side — providing Karl Darlow can meet the basic requirement of not soiling himself — feels like the best thing for Meslier right now. Let him drop out of the spotlight and figure out what he’s made of. Exposing him to future errors in the middle of a promotion battle in which Leeds can’t afford any is doing nobody any favours.

I have an element of sympathy towards Meslier. Max Wöber, on the other hand, can get tae fuck. Wöber seems to have confused being picked at left-back with playing up front, neglecting his defensive role and spending the first half at Hull ruining Leeds’ attacks with ugly shots from stupid angles. While Meslier put himself in no man’s land for Kamara’s lobbed opener, Wöber stood and watched the forward get the wrong side of him, then waddled back like Sean Gregan after a big Christmas. With the score at 1-1, he gave the ball away on halfway then walked back watching as Leeds’ defence was stretched in his absence and Hull threatened to cut straight through the middle and score. A fighter, a warrior, a leader — a player who, when he joined Leeds, said “he’d give everything for this badge”? Give me a break. As ever, Mat Klich knows the score.

😂

— Mateusz Klich blue_tick (@Cli5hy) August 1, 2023

As for the rest, we’ve seen it all before. Leeds missed enough chances to have won two games, Meslier flapped at a corner that Joe Rodon was heading clear, and Hull snatched a late equaliser when Kamara subsequently volleyed towards where Meslier was meant to be standing.

The good news is United are still top of the league, and drawing 3-3 is just something we do in promotion seasons — Cardiff 2019, Portsmouth 1989, West Ham 1955. The problem is Leeds have already drawn 3-3 once this season, and while the madness against Portsmouth on the opening day had a charming thrill, this just felt like another kick in the bollocks. ⬢

(Photograph by Mark Fletcher, via Alamy)