Problem Chimp: Stress piles and drinking your own bodyweight

What’s the best ointment for stress piles? Asking for a mate.
— Lee int Cheese

Despite being a physical wreck of a human — my back, my knees, my stupid big, bald head — piles have never been an issue. In the absence of any useful suggestions, I’ll go with some vague grandma advice that probably involves brown paper and vinegar. Right up the crack. Job done. If nothing else it will make your arse smell like a chip shop.

⬢

To read the rest of this article, you need to join TSB+ — members get access to this plus extra podcast and video episodes, all podcasts advert-free, can read every issue of our magazine online and much more. You can join or log in below.