In ancient Egypt, people worked out what month it was by studying lunar cycles and matching them with the annual flooding of the Nile. On Saturday, I worked out it was February by watching Leeds get beat twice in the space of three hours.

The months between February and May should be my favourite part of the sporting calendar. My loyalties as a sports fan are split between Leeds United and Leeds Rhinos, so those four months when the start of the rugby league season coincides with the end of the football season should be a glut of excitement and entertainment. Really, it just means the stress and spite hit twice as hard.

Usually the weekend is scheduled so I have time to recover from one of their games before I have to put myself through the other. But rather than playing in their usual spot on a Friday night at Headingley, the Rhinos’ opening game against Warrington Wolves was chosen to be shown on Saturday lunchtime by Channel 4 in Super League’s first ever free-to-air broadcast, meaning I conceded the fate of my Saturday to the fate of Leeds’ sporting institutions.

The Rhinos are expected to compete for major trophies for the first time since age finally caught up with the ‘Golden Generation’. Leeds’ confidence is based on four of the highest calibre off-season signings they have made for some time, but their impact against Warrington was minimal due to a series of circumstances Marcelo Bielsa will recognise. Signed from Warrington, Blake Austin was meant to start at half-back against his former club, tasked with injecting some flair and unpredictability into Leeds’ playmaking. Austin had already been put up for a promotional interview with Channel 4 when Leeds were told he had received a one-match ban from pre-season. Alex Mowatt lookalike James Bentley was born in Leeds and grew up supporting the Rhinos, but was developed by Bradford’s academy before being part of a St Helens squad that won three consecutive Grand Finals. Leeds want Bentley to add some aggression to their forwards, and he wasted no time getting to work, lasting fifteen minutes before being red carded for a high tackle on his debut. David Fusitu’a was the NRL’s top try scorer in 2018 and was skittling defenders until he was knocked out and subbed off at half-time with concussion, leaving former Huddersfield half-back Aidan Sezer the only new signing to escape unscathed. Three of the Rhinos’ four new players being unable to either get on the pitch or stay on the pitch against Warrington, followed by United’s injury hex finally claiming Stuart Dallas, has convinced me this godforsaken city really is cursed.

Despite the bad luck — Richie Myler, replacing Austin in the halves, was also injured early on, and Leeds were reduced to eleven men for ten minutes when Brad Dwyer was given a soft yellow card — the Rhinos were impressive. Fatigue from the numerical disadvantage eventually caught them when Warrington scored two late tries to snatch a 22-20 win, but Leeds dominated most of the game through sheer work ethic for each other. They managed to create space and score some clever tries, boding well for the rest of the season. Jack Walker was making a comeback to rival Adam Forshaw’s after missing most of the last two years with a foot injury that threatened to end his career at the age of 21. Bentley’s red card may have even helped Leeds. The earlier start than usual meant the atmosphere was subdued until the sense of injustice ignited the crowd and Leeds team. Maybe defeat can even be sort of fun?

Or maybe not. Forty-five minutes after we left Headingley, Leeds United were kicking off at Everton and I was watching a stream with the frame rate of a Sega Mega Drive and commentary that was well ahead of the footage. Being able to hear a dangerous Everton cross had already led to Seamus Coleman scoring, or that Rodrigo’s wondergoal attempts had already hit the crossbar, softened the blows of disappointment when I eventually saw Everton score or Leeds miss. But by full-time I felt even more dissatisfied than usual, struggling to work out what went so wrong without the easy excuse of the shit ref I’d comforted myself with at Headingley.

Bielsa says adversity serves a purpose, allowing us to strengthen our resilience and fortitude as long as we reject fatalism and choose optimism, hope and fight. “Upon adversity you always have to fight,” he said shortly before Christmas. Waking up on Sunday morning, there was an unsent tweet in my drafts reminding me I discovered a drunken defiance that will reassure me through the next few months: Leeds United are going to be fine, Leeds Rhinos are going to win Super League, and Frank Lampard thinks Nadine Dorries gives clever interviews. ⬢