Over Christmas, my sister and I were listening to Florence and the Machine and reflecting on artists’ performance repertoire. We’ve seen Florence a few times but there’s some old favourites she rarely sings on stage any more.

We agreed it would probably be quite shit to write and publish a heartfelt song about someone you really love only to have them hurt your feelings. In Love Actually, when Jamie comes home to his own brother railing his girlfriend, he simply runs away to France, but singers have no choice. If you’ve spun a big hit out of an old flame, you’ve got to go out there and perform this tender tune over and over again, singing it like you mean it even if your muse turned out to be a complete dick.

The odes inspired by love affairs in football can go the same way. Hopefully the favourite football players you’ve written adoring tweets or articles about never sleep with your girlfriend, but they can transfer to Manchester United and that’s worse.

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