Father’s Day Shopping with Leeds United

This one goes out to the sons and daughters who didn’t realise it was Father’s Day next week, at least in some countries. Don’t worry if you’re somewhere in the Mediterranean, you’ve already missed the boat — 19th March, I looked it up.

If you’re struggling to decide what to buy the father in your life, don’t worry. We’re here to help in a way that is absolutely not intended to sell you TSB merchandise. Not at all. Okay, maybe just a little.

Here’s what we would buy for some of the current Leeds United gang…

Patrick Bamford — A chord book of acoustic guitar classics

Leeds United’s number nine is at risk of being pigeonholed as the guy who loves guitars. Birthday cake? A Victoria sponge in the shape of a Fender telecaster. New tie to wear to your cousin’s wedding? It’s in the pattern of a fretboard. But he won’t mind, because he likes guitars. But maybe he already has a book about guitar songs so perhaps he gets a copy of our Vive la Leeds! Paris 1975 Special instead. Just so he’s not pigeonholed, you know?

Josuha Guilavogui — World’s Best Dad mug

If we’ve learned anything from this past season, it’s that Joss Guilvagoui might be the best man alive, never mind the best dad. Still, he’s deserving of a mug to toast his fatherly ways, at least as a nod to his signed jersey after the Plymouth match, which the Leeds squad adorned with loving tributes to a man whose dressing room influence played a huge role in Leeds’ promotion.

But Joss is a humble man and might prefer to remember his time as a champion at Leeds with something more fitting. What comes to mind? Well, there is this Leeds Campeon mug from The Square Ball. It does what it says on the mug, literally.

Dan James — A day at Rudding Park spa

Leeds’ lightning winger has made a habit of beating his body up this season. Injuries, black eyes, and even a Harry Potter-esque scar from last season’s play-off final, James plays with the reckless abandon normally reserved for a WWE wrestler, except without the script and the steroids, brother.

We’d suggest getting him a day spa at Rudding Park in Harrogate, but we’re not bloody made of money, are we? Instead, he’ll have to settle for TSB’s new Leeds Scum Propaganda t-shirt which features a tribute to James’ favourite song: Leeds, Leeds are falling apart again. It’s a good bit cheaper than a spa day, and he can use it more than once.

Junior Firpo — A voucher for Levi’s Solicitors

After shouting, “Paraag, send me the ting man,” live on Jayden Bogle’s Instagram account, our dear left-back/attacking midfielder is yet to receive said ting, AKA his new Leeds United contract. So perhaps he’d benefit from a voucher for Levi’s Solicitors. Their employment law team could probably help get his new deal over the line. At Leeds or elsewhere.

But let’s say Leeds get their act together and give him a new deal, then he’ll be left with a voucher he won’t need unless he wants to buy/sell a house or make a will, so he might be better off with a Peacocks Champions Again t-shirt from TSB. That way, he can show just how much of a fun time he had winning the Championship, or something like that.

Sam Byram — A workbench

Let it be said, I’m jealous of Sam Byram. How can a man only two years older than me look ten years younger? The suggestion of giving him a workbench is borne slightly out of spite and a belief that maybe he needs some more middle-aged hobbies to bring the dad look on a little more. But that’s harsh. Instead, let’s give him a LIMITED EDITION: TSB x Admiral | Paris 1975 jacket because he’d look pretty cool in it and the seventies style might make him appear a little older? Or he may end up looking like one of those grown men pretending to be a high school kid in Grease.

Daniel Farke — Mary Berry’s Ultimate Cake Book

What do you buy the man who has everything? A third Championship title, a job in the Premier League, and the greatest collection of black polo shirts since Fred Perry was merely a tennis player.

Farke is a self-professed coffee and cake lover, so it might be worth getting him a recipe book to pass the time over the summer. Better that than sitting watching the Club World Cup on Channel 5. And to go with his cake, perhaps sir would like a Daniel Farke Champions Again mug? Or is that too vain?

It’s certainly no vainer than this shameless piece of self-promotion you’ve just read. Sorry. ⬢