Get it in the mixer!

Pierre-Michel Lasogga walked so Dominic Calvert-Lewin could run. And because he couldn’t really run. It’s no wonder that Mysterious Kop Man #1 was caught on film screaming: “Lasogga, get in t’box, ya fat c*nt!”

Alright, so what if Kop Man was proven wrong when Lasogga curled the ball in from twenty yards out? He was right. The striker should be in the box, no matter what 2011 Pep Guardiola might tell you.

The goal that unblocked the Peacocks’ attacking frugality came when Dominic Calvert-Lewin rose higher than Leeds United’s Socios token price around Christmas 2021. Calvert-Lewin, however, provided actual joy to real people by scoring a delightful header against Wolves, the first of Leeds’ goals in a 3-1 win.

At the risk of trying to invert the pyramid too hard, my hot take is as follows: Leeds United, get the ball in t’box, ya good things. A revolutionary idea, I know. Yes, thank you, my Coaches’ Voice Masterclass will be out next month, so stay tuned.

Leeds have the second lowest cross conversion rate and the fewest crosses into the box per ninety minutes in the Premier League this season. While it’s a small sample size, it suggests that Daniel Farke’s boys are, in fact, not getting it in and around the mixer.

Given that Leeds can’t simply pass teams into oblivion like they used to in the Championship, it behoves them to make use of the big lad they signed over the summer and the full-backs they have who can cross a ball. Brenden Aaronson is there, too, so I suppose he can lay the ball off for someone capable of getting a cross off the ground.

I’m quietly confident that this is something Leeds have thought of, not only because they’re professional footballers surrounded by coaches and folks with laptops, but the signs have been there across the past four matches prior to the trip to Molineux.

The transition between Championship and Premier League was always going to be complicated, with a squad to be rebuilt and a playing style to be adapted in order to deal with a division full of billionaire football clubs and physical freaks. It’s been difficult to accept at times, but the destructive solidity enforced in the opening weeks of the season feels necessary to avoid starting like Southampton did a year ago.

It’s a delicate balancing act that Farke has to get right, making Leeds hard to beat but also capable of winning in a league where your opponents hold almost all the cards. Four matches without creating a real chance was worrying and a win against Wolves — who seem intent on imploding — doesn’t solve everything, but you can’t start a fire without a spark.

Calvert-Lewin’s first Leeds goal came at a crucial time in the match, with Wolves a goal up and the perennially pessimistic fanbase pondering if we’ll ever score again. It might prove a pivotal moment in the season for both Leeds and Farke given Calvert-Lewin and pals went in at half-time with a 3-1 lead, before casually seeing out the match with barely a glove laid on them.

Deliveries, from set pieces and open play, often force defenders to do the one thing they hate doing: defend. Any competent side can sit back and retain shape, crabbing across their own penalty area as their opponent patiently knocks passes about until something may or may not happen. But if you can get (accurate) balls into the box, life becomes more uncomfortable for defenders regardless of level. Obviously it requires competent wide players — tick — and a striker with a leap and eye for goal, like Mr Calvert-Lewin, I hope.

Maybe I just really enjoyed Leeds going back to basics and curling a ball onto the big man’s noggin’, but what can I say? “There are no shortcuts to success,” Farke said on Thursday when asked about Leeds’ attack. Sometimes all it takes to get the tap flowing is a slightly deflected cross and a striker who is almost unplayable in the air.

Then you get said striker to buy a soft free-kick that your lanky set-piece guy absolutely twats into the top corner. Then said lank plays your enigmatic winger through on goal to make it 3-1 and your aerially dominant striker spends most of the second half being a general nuisance to opposing defenders, the pantomime villain at away grounds, winning free-kicks and getting in people’s way.

If you can put all that together, you get yourself a nice afternoon of Premier League football and find yourself confidently sitting in front of the telly that evening, watching the end of the news before that sweet, sweet Match Of The Day theme tune hits play. Want to get that feeling more often? Then I say: “Dom, get in t’box, ya handsome c*nt” You can kill the man, but you can’t kill the idea. ⬢