Joe Rodon’s defending is straight from the bookshelf

There are two stories that neatly explain Joe Rodon’s approach to defending. The first is that he spent his opening day at Swansea City’s academy challenging Dan James to races — and beating him. The second is that he once went travelling to Africa and, in his own words, “slept on a bookshelf for four weeks.” Rodon told the story to Wales teammate Ben Davies while debating who would be better on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Davies reminded Rodon that even though his sleeping arrangements might not have been ideal, he still didn’t have to eat any bugs or insects. “Well,” Rodon replied, “I would have if they were an option.”

Rodon doesn’t need to chew a kangaroo’s bollock to prove he’s the rough and ready type. He’s collected black eyes as often as clean sheets this season, ending most games looking like he’s been dragged out of Popworld in Swansea by some bouncers. The blood trickling from cuts on his eye and nose at the end of Leeds’ win at Sheffield Wednesday drew comparisons to another Leeds fighter, Gaetano Berardi, except Rodon’s injuries weren’t inflicted by a challenge on one of the opposition, but from knocking some sense into Junior Firpo.

Fair play to Rodon for head butting Firpo to factory reset him. Team player

— Andrew (@IrvineLUFC) March 8, 2024

It’s heartwarming to know that Berardi approves of Rodon. In issue five of the magazine this season, Berardi wrote in his column:

‘Joe Rodon is very solid. He knows how to defend well, and he plays with something that I really like — he plays with no fear.’

Just because Rodon is a bruiser doesn’t mean he’s a brute. On the official Leeds United podcast, Michael Bridges joked with Connor Roberts: “I’ve got to say, Joe Rodon, there’s not much between these two ears, is there?” Sure, Rodon uses bookshelves to sleep on rather than read from, so he might not be the most literary-minded, but his job isn’t to recite Under Milk Wood, it’s to stop teams scoring against Leeds United. Anyone who has seen Rodon play for Leeds this season knows he reads an opposition attack much more intelligently than most defenders to play for the club in recent years. He can think as quickly as he can sprint. Part of me reckons the fact he’s the butt of so many jokes with teammates has more to do with a healthy dose of self-awareness and a dry sense of humour. Or maybe he really is just a daft lad from Swansea who’s fucking ace at football. Either way, I love him.

In theory, Rodon’s excellence on Friday night was meant to gift us fans a relaxing weekend without having to worry about other results in the Champo. Leeds had done their bit, thanks in no small part to Rodon’s not-today-lads defending, so it was pointless fretting over our promotion rivals when we could crack on with our lives while still enjoying the taste of the previous night’s three points. In reality, I spent Saturday afternoon watching Ipswich’s visit to Cardiff, followed by Leicester’s trip to Hull, constantly checking my phone for updates from Southampton’s game against Sunderland.

The best thing about Cardiff’s 100th-minute winner was the anguish on Ipswich boss Kieran McKenna’s face after his team gave away the corner from which they conceded. Cardiff were rank for most of the game, failing to have a single shot on goal in the second half until Ipswich took the lead, at which point Ipswich seemed to realise they suddenly had something to lose, and promptly shat the bed. As panic visibly spread across Ipswich’s players and a previously toothless Cardiff side forced an equaliser, even McKenna appeared to accept a home winner was inevitable with one last set-piece to be delivered. Likewise, while Wout Faes was channelling the spirit of Sideshow Bob stepping on garden rakes in Leicester’s draw at Hull, Enzo Maresca was picking fights on the touchline with anybody who was pretending to listen to him. If only Maresca wasn’t such a bald fraud, he’d have been tearing his hair out. Both managers looked like they could do with a centre-half as reliable as Rodon in their respective defences. No wonder Daniel Farke has been able to spend so much time with his feet up on the sofa, enjoying a coffee and a slice of cake.

There’s a danger that Farke has made Leeds playing well and winning matches so normal we’re taking it for granted just how well this team is doing. It’s easy to forget how traumatic our defending was not that long ago. Last season, Leeds conceded 78 goals in 38 league matches. Having played 37 league games so far this season, we have conceded 50 goals fewer. Yes, it’s a division below the Premier League, and yes, Rodon and Ethan Ampadu aren’t being coached by Jesse Marsch, but still: bloody hell! Ampadu and Rodon have conceded three goals in the eleven league matches they have started together at centre-back this season. At their current rate, to match the 78 goals Leeds conceded in 2022/23, Rodon and Ampadu would need to start 289 games alongside each other.

It was an interesting weekend to compare the duo to their predecessors at Elland Road. Diego Llorente made headlines in Italy with a stonking stoppage-time half volley to rescue a 2-2 draw for Roma against Fiorentina. But it was only required because he fell over in the build-up to Fiorentina’s second, letting the man he was supposed to be marking score. As Llorente celebrated his equaliser, he was knocked to the ground by his teammate Romelu Lukaku. Even when he’s scoring at the other end of the pitch, he’s still getting bullied by a striker. Likewise, Robin Koch finished coolly to grab Eintracht Frankfurt’s equaliser in their 3-1 win over Hoffenheim, atoning for his mistake in getting casually brushed aside by Hoffenheim’s opening goalscorer at a corner.

As for the biggest shitebag in this back three of centre-half charlatans, Max Wöber joined Borussia Monchengladbach promising their fans he will be “a fighter”, “a warrior”, and “a leader” in their defence — echoing what he told Leeds fans before he ran off after getting us relegated. Seven months later, only two teams have conceded more Bundesliga goals this season than Gladbach, who shipped another three at the weekend against Cologne, the lowest goalscorers in the division. To be fair to Wöber, he was only on the pitch for the first two, then was immediately subbed off after standing around gormlessly at a set-piece while the opposition scored. Cologne have scored just nineteen goals in 25 league games this season. Six have come in two games against a defence ‘led’ by The Warrior.

Rodon is still waiting to score his first goal for Leeds. It doesn’t matter, because he’s been so good at doing what he’s paid to do, leaving the goalscoring for Pat Bamford, Georgi Rutter, and the rest of Leeds’ attack to worry about and take the credit for. When Rodon does eventually score for Leeds, we’ll cherish the goal all the more because it will be the least he deserves for the goals he’s stopped, blood he’s spilled, and bookshelves he’s slept on to get here. ⬢