What was it about our slow, painful drift to relegation that enticed José Mourinho to sign not one, but two Leeds United defenders? It’s not like he’s managing a collective of Serie B no-hopers, like Sampdoria. He’s at Roma, who have played in back-to-back European finals and had iconic cool guys like Francesco Totti and Chris Smalling. Bear with me on the latter, because thanks to him, it is now (somewhat) intelligent to sign players like Diego Llorente and Rasmus Kristensen if you’re competing in one of Europe’s strongest leagues.

Let’s call it The Smalling Theory, which is the belief that a damaged Premier League player can come to Italy and rehabilitate their career. It’s not so much that the Premier League is the best league in the world, but it certainly is the most intense and most frantic in terms of player/manager churn.

Think of English football as working on Wall Street. Full of characters with lots of money and little idea what to do with it, all burning the candle at both ends. Before long, the trading bros crash and they need to get out, find their nirvana. That’s where Italy comes in.

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