What do we want? Erm, not sure really. When do we want it? Now! Rob Conlon and Chris McMenamy are here to keep you posted with everything you need to know on deadline day (but mainly a load of nonsense you absolutely don’t need to know).

6:03pm: Starting to consider an early night

Well, it feels awfully quiet out there. I walked past Elland Road earlier today and there wasn’t even a bored Sky Sports presenter standing outside the main entrance. Rubbish! Where’s Massimo Cellino getting chased around in a taxi when you need him?

Unless anything spectacular happens, we’re probably done for the night, because nobody needs to spend the rest of their day doomscrolling through social media.

Maybe even treat yourself to an early night. If Leeds do sign a new footballer, it will be a nice surprise to wake up to. If we end up accidentally loaning Dan James out again, that would only ruin your sleep anyway. Here’s hoping the good folks on WACCOE read the tea leaves correctly last week and it’s the former rather than the latter.

4:57pm: Where have all the baldmans gone?

Sheffield United might have already signed four players this transfer window, but they ain’t stopping yet:

Crystal Palace centre-back Rob Holding is attracting interest from Championship side Sheffield United on deadline day after being frozen out at Selhurst Park, with sporting director Dougie Freedman working on securing him a potential move away. The 29-year-old has made just one senior appearance for the club since he joined from Arsenal on summer deadline day in 2023.

I’m not getting too worried about this one, because I completely forgot Rob Holding existed. Apparently he’s only played once for Crystal Palace because he’s fallen out with their manager Oliver Glasner.

To be fair to Holding, judging by the before and after, his hair transplant has been worth every penny. Barry Bannan (and Michael) will be absolutely furious.

4:03pm: Clear as mud

In the words of Jason Pearce: “Oooooooo this is decent….”

Posted at exactly the same time. I’m off to watch Power with PearceDawg.

2:11pm: Too many Saints strikers

There’s a new rumour in from North-east journo Craig Hope, who says:

Southampton forward Adam Armstrong could leave today. Understand interest from Leeds & Middlesbrough

That’s not the Southampton forward we thought we were linked with! The issue we have with this story is that the Telegraph reported Sunderland and Middlesbrough were interested this morning, and didn’t mention Leeds.

Everybody mentions Leeds, even when they’re not even interested in a player. Take this one with a pinch of salt, we say. But it would be a decent signing, which is probably further reason to believe it won’t happen.

1:46pm: The good news is that there’s no news

Leeds Live have provided an update on Jack Harrison’s future after the ever reliable paper that rhymes Maily Dail reported that he could be on his way to Fulham:

As of Sunday evening, there has been no contact from Fulham regarding a potential acquisition of Everton-loaned Jack Harrison. The winger – whose Leeds contract expires in 2028 – has started just one of his four games under new returning boss David Moyes at Goodison Park.

Bad news for both Everton and Leeds fans. The Toffees were evidently buzzing at the prospect of getting rid, while Leeds have been reminded that we have another three years of sending Harrison out on loan to clubs that don’t really want him.

1:06pm: We’ve been rumbled

The integrity of this vitally important deadline day blog has been brought into question:

Well done, fireypiss, you got us.

12:41pm: Leeds plotting shock move for player you’re about to search on YouTube

Sources are indicating that Leeds might make a late move for attacking midfielder Somecun Tonafree. Don’t ask who the sources are, but trust us. Tonafree is available after being released by a European club you’ve never heard of and could provide a different option for Daniel Farke at number 10.

Tonafree has been spotted in John Lewis looking at bathroom bins, sparking speculation that he has already found himself an apartment in Leeds. An ex-player who nobody likes said: “Who is this? Why are you ringing me? Who is Somecun Tonafree? £25 quid? Yeah, just make up a quote and attribute it to me.”

Victor Orta is currently on his phone trying to hijack the move, having told the Sevilla board that he first spotted Tonafree on Wyscout in 2015 and said he’s the next Sergio Aguero .

Despite what Phil Hay says, we would wager that Somecun Tonafree’s impact might be huge. More on this as we get it.

12:15pm: Time to get the binoculars out

A quick glance at the Arrivals expected into Leeds Bradford airport today shows a flight from Bournemouth due in at 6.58pm. That means it’s time to wildly speculate on the purpose of this visit from the south coast, and to Google Maps search the distance between Southampton and Bournemouth.

Might it be Cameron Archer avoiding the paparazzi frenzy at Southampton Airport? Have Bournemouth put Luis Sinisterra on a plane with a returns form on which they’ve ticked ‘Item Faulty’? Or is it just some posho heading north for business?

Perhaps one of us needs to lurk around the Greggs at the airport and monitor the traffic coming into arrivals.

11:53am: No news is, well, still news apparently

The Yorkshire Evening Post have dropped one hell of a transfer bombshell involving what their headline describes as a ‘Leeds United rival’.

The rivals in question are Bristol City, who are sitting — *checks notes* — 9th in the Championship, 21 points behind Leeds. Even a supporter as pessimistic as our Michael wouldn’t consider them a rival, surely?

Anyway, what’s the big update?

Fellow Championship club Bristol City, who like Leeds United are yet to engage in any incoming transfer activity this month, have released a deadline day statement explaining their market strategy.

11:24am — A great bunch of lads

Since I’m reminiscing about that deadline day under Neil Warnock, here’s an excerpt from his subsequent column in The Independent published a couple of days after the window closed. Warning: it makes for grim reading.

Personally, I’m delighted with how things have worked out. In the final few days I enquired about 14 players, signed four and narrowly missed out on a fifth. We’ve brought in Steve Morison from Norwich in a swap (plus some cash in our favour) for Luciano Becchio, signed my namesake Stephen Warnock from Aston Villa, and picked up Habib Habibou from Belgium on loan. Earlier in the window we signed Everton’s Ross Barkley on loan and made the loans of Michael Tonge and Ryan Hall permanent so I feel we’ve strengthened well. Importantly we’ve also held on to players such as Ross McCormack – for whom we had enquiries – and Sam Byram. But it has been hard work.

Hard work indeed. Speaking of which:

I’ve got to say all through these last few days Sharon has been brilliant. Having been with me for many transfer windows she understands how manic they are. So each morning the kids just texted me and Sharon rang about half eight to say “I’ll speak to you tonight”, and that was it.

Unfortunately, when we were finally able to speak at length yesterday the conversations were not very uplifting. On Thursday night a Leeds fan was wandering around Thorp Arch taking pictures through the window of me and the club officials working. Nothing too sinister in that, though it is not to be encouraged, but after he tweeted a photo of me watching Sky Sports News somebody doctored it to make it look as if I was watching pornography. A lot of people might think that is funny, but it was not very funny to my 14-year-old daughter who received a number of unsavoury texts and comments on Friday morning. It shows how low some people will stoop to get a laugh. There should be a way to take to task people who put something like that on the web.

11:16am — Pass the time

It’s always worth remembering on days like today that for all transfer nonsense can be quite fun — especially when it leads to someone (*cough* our Eamo *cough*) photoshopping Neil Warnock watching porn in the East Stand offices — it’s never as fun as the actual football, particularly when the Peacocks are sticking seven past Cardiff.

So here’s some light reading to get you through the day while we wait for Leeds to panic after missing out on Cameron Archer and accidentally re-sign Big Kev on a five-year deal.

READ: Super Leeds 7 (Seven) – 0 Cardiff City: Almost cruel

10:58am — If we must…

As much as the idea of this blog was simply to be piss-taking bastards (don’t worry, there’s still plenty of time), I suppose we should at least mention some loosely Leeds United-related news.

With Leeds trying to convince Southampton to let us have Cameron Archer, last night Twitter transfer perv Fabrizio Romano reported that Southampton have agreed a fee with Royal Antwerp to sign their forward Victor Udoh, who hasn’t actually scored a goal for Royal Antwerp.

It’s a bold move, and could pave the way for Archer to move to Elland Road so he can live happily ever after. Sounds good to me, lads!

Getting rid of Archer 🏹 for this victor udoh guy is actually a piss take to say the least.

Not a good move whatsoever and I fully expect archer to go and smash it at his next club.

Stupid stupid stupid decision by the football club. #SaintsFC

— Danny (@SaintsDanSFC) February 3, 2025

10:35am — Welcome!

Well then. It’s transfer deadline day. That’s exciting, isn’t it? What do you mean, ‘no’? This is Leeds United, and deadline days are always exciting. Usually for all the wrong reasons, but exciting nonetheless.

The big news so far this morning is that Burnley have signed Marcus Edwards — who Mauricio Pochettino once stupidly compared to Lionel Messi — on loan from Sporting Lisbon. He’s a number 10, and we could do with another one of those, but he’s off to Burnley so I hope he enjoys defending on the edge of his own box.

“It feels amazing,” Edwards says. “Burnley is like a Premier League club.” Hmmm. ‘Like’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting there, Marcus.

Anyway, to help us pass the time. Let’s try start some daft rumours like Danny Welbeck to Leeds back in the day. Message us on Twitter on @TheSquareBall, or BlueSky @thesquareball.net, or email [email protected] to let us know which spurious footballers you may or may not have seen knocking about town ahead of definitely signing for Leeds. ⬢