Football is a pantomime. You know it. I know it. Only the referees don’t. Leeds United’s 0-1 loss to Burnley posed many questions. Should we have signed a number 10? Is Daniel Farke bad at substitutions? Why can’t we break teams down? But those questions are tedious and lacking any real answers, so here’s a better one. Is time wasting fun and, in some instances, necessary in creating a spectacle?

Hear me out. I think modern football has created the ultimate pantomime experience for matchgoers. You can always just scroll on your phone when watching from home but being at the ground forces you to immerse yourself in the chaos.

The people who run the sport briefly flirted with the idea of punishing time wasting with vastly increased additional time at the end of each half, an initiative that started at the 2022 World Cup and appeared to last less than a year. Who’d have thought adding more wastable time in a game where time had been considerably wasted would be a good idea? I mean, it’s not like you can use it to sell more advertising space. The opposite, actually.

Teams know running the clock down won’t be punished by a fourteen-minute injury time period and it has arguably given them a much more defined set of guidelines to exploit in pursuit of time wasting with impunity.

We know what’s coming when other Championship teams visit Leeds. Each of their goal kicks takes a minute, throw-ins are trotted up the touchline by aloof full-backs and free-kicks are just a nightmare. And we all become increasingly irate every time it happens. Fool me once, etc.

I’m a firm believer that Elland Road needs to be riled up for it to generate any real atmosphere. We’re not self-starters, certainly not when things are stuck in neutral. A beautiful threaded pass or piece of skill might prompt a few gasps in the stands, but neither can compare to the raucous cheer that comes with an opposing player getting emptied into an advertising hoarding. After all, a football stadium is the modern Colosseum and we are the baying crowd. Kill, kill, kill became attack, attack, attack when Joe Rodon replaced the gladiator.

Away teams at Elland Road are equivalent to the ‘heel’ in professional wrestling, the antagonist who gets the crowd’s backs up. Burnley turned into a team of heels after they took the lead on Saturday, led by heel-in-chief Hannibal Mejbri and his skullduggery.

Hannibal was destined to be the main villain in this game. He’s a dirty midfielder with attitude issues and once got called a shit Sideshow Bob for ninety minutes by Leeds fans during a Youth Cup tie at Old Trafford. He was destined to act the prick on Saturday. And Leeds fans were destined to fall for it.

It was Hannibal who caused a scuffle just before half-time as the referee failed to give Leeds a penalty for a foul on Manor Solomon. By the time he was subbed off and performed a lap of honour past the South Stand, the damage was done.

If Hannibal was the flamboyant bad boy, then ‘keeper James Trafford was the underappreciated star of Burnley’s antics. He was the bass player, tying the whole act together by taking a minute over every goal kick and diving to the ground each time he caught the ball, which was a lot because Leeds’ crosses floated softly into his grateful grasp.

I find that Championship referees have a bad habit of making a rod for their own backs when it comes to time wasting. We demand consistency and fairness in application of the law yet the man in the middle often finds himself tied up in self-made knots. Exhibit: Bashir Humphreys.

Dickhead referee James Bell booked Humphreys in the 66th minute for taking the piss at a throw-in. I think that’s the official ruling on it anyway. Humphreys was carded as he walked the ball several steps forward despite being told not to. The only issue is that he did it again a few minutes later and Bell didn’t book him a second time. The Burnley defender knew that the ref didn’t have the guts to make a stand, that he was likely unwilling to face the wrath of a social media storm for sending a player off for two minor infractions. Champo officials have all the authority of a substitute teacher and it feels like they often realise as much. It’s the same with ‘keepers at goal kicks. The referee often produces a yellow card, but he must be sure not to do it too early so as to avoid facing the opposing team baying for a red card every time the ‘keeper reoffends before the end of the game.

I always hated the panto as a kid. Now that I’m paying the guts of £700 for a season of it, I’d like to ask Daniel Farke to just send his Leeds boys out there to blow teams away in future. If we have to put up with some villains, then I’d at least like to cheer some heroes. ⬢

(Photograph by Sport Press Photo, via Alamy)