Let’s face facts: we all knew Cody Gakpo was going to smash it at the 2022 World Cup. It might as well have been carved into the bedrock of the planet, spelling his destiny out to the heavens.

Leeds United aren’t allowed nice things, therefore the things we can’t have are destined to be nice. There’s a kind of cosmic forcefield surrounding anything with the potential to make us happy, repelling our advances. I can’t explain it. It must be something to do with science.

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