What’s not to like about… Bournemouth?

Leeds United are back in the Premier League and if there’s one thing we can bring then it’s pure unadulterated spite. So it’s only right that we ask this question: what’s not to like about Bournemouth?

Do we have any history?

There is only one town in England for whom the city of Leeds has erected an apology banner, and that’s Bournemouth. Given the courts don’t have a defined statute of limitations, it’s best not getting into too much detail about Leeds’ trip to Bournemouth in 1990, one which ended in the Peacocks’ promotion to the First Division. All we’ll say is: “Are you still raging, Graham Kelly?”

The last time Bournemouth came to Elland Road, they were 3-1 up after an hour and Jesse Marsch was on the verge of (probably) being sacked. Then Sam Greenwood scored a screamer and prompted an unlikely comeback, a 4-3 win that — coupled with a win at Anfield the previous week — meant Andrea Radrizzani and co weren’t courageous enough to sack a man who’d spent months teaching his players to do… something? We’ll never know.

Giuseppe Bellusci’s free-kick deserves an honourable mention, the second goal in an unlikely 3-1 win under caretaker manager Neil Redfearn in September 2014. Whisper it quietly, but they’ve lost every time they’ve visited Elland Road.

The most recent meeting between the sides saw Bournemouth win 4-1 and Javi Gracia lose his job with four matches remaining in the same season. In some ways, it’s Bournemouth’s fault that we were subjected to Sam Allardyce’s short time in the Elland Road dugout as Leeds were relegated two years ago.

Who’s their most contemptible player?

Is it Tyler Adams? Are we that vindictive? Yeah, probably. He’s the only Bournemouth player to threaten Leeds United with legal action, at least prior to this weekend’s match. It might have been Luis Sinisterra, but the eternal sicknote was dumped off on loan to Brazilian club Cruzeiro in the summer. He probably would have missed this match with a sprained little finger or ingrown hair anyway, the prick. Not that we’re bitter, or anything.

Adams threatened to sue the club after making noises that he might be amenable to staying (and captaining) Leeds in the Championship back during Daniel Farke’s first summer in charge. He felt they hadn’t honoured his release clause, which is fair enough, but we’re inclined to say he acted like a bit of a prick about it. And we hope he gets booed on Saturday. Again, not that we’re bitter.

What’s the deal with their manager?

Andoni Iraola is the man who should have replaced Marcelo Bielsa at Leeds United. But we don’t live in a perfect world, so we got Jesse Marsch. It’s kind of like ordering a juicy Argentine steak only to have lukewarm Findus lasagna slapped down in front of you.

Iraola is considered by those who know as a modern tactician, influenced by his time playing for Bielsa at Athletic Bilbao. And he’s working wonders with Bournemouth. They lost three of their back four to top sides this summer and Iraola has adapted without much fuss. He has broken club records for points, goals scored and conceded and most wins during his time in charge, making the most of the players available to him and even managed to turn Dominic Solanke into an England international.

It’s difficult to find faults in a man who: a) loves Bielsa and b) isn’t a massive prick like Mikel Arteta. Although he did bottle out of replacing Marsch at Leeds, so he’s still a prick.

Do we at least have any mutual friends?

Lewis Cook is and always will be a friend, while Tyler Adams doesn’t quite get the warm welcome back to Elland Road. The Peacocks borrowed Jaidon Anthony and Joe Rothwell from Bournemouth in recent years, while Luis Sinisterra — boo — and Leif ‘Very Good’ Davis went the other way, along with Benedict Arnold a.k.a. wee Tyler.

Adam Smith, Jason Pearce, Paul Telfer and Eunan O’Kane are all names ‘synonymous’ with both clubs, of course, while Ian Harte ended his career down in Bournemouth. Surely you remember that?! Max Gradel also had two spells down there. Poor lad.

David Brooks may never have played for Leeds, but his name always haunts me thinking back to the time he tore Leeds to shreds at Elland Road for Sheffield United in 2017. It’s probably the reason I always think Leeds should sign him whenever a winger is mentioned as a position of need. It’s not quite Jimmy Kebe, but I’m also convinced that Brooks — while a good player — would almost certainly not live up to my memory of him. Anyway, sign him up.

Have we missed anything while we’ve been away?

Does anything happen in Bournemouth whether Leeds United are there or not? They finished 9th in 2024/25, which I’m sure everyone will remember because of the overwhelming coverage it received last season.

To be fair, it was their best ever finish as a club, breaking their previous record of 12th from the season before. That’s cute.