Why do we do this to ourselves?

From Don Revie’s bus stopping 100 yards short of its destination to Monsignor Philip Moger blessing the Elland Road pitch, superstition and Leeds United Football Club go together like asbestos and the West Stand roof.

At some point in 2009, I made the connection between the underwear I’d worn and our form, which resulted in an unbeaten home run that spanned just over a year. I actually lost the lucky underwear just as our home form tailed off in the League One promotion run-in — so you’re welcome to blame me for that one.

I’ve always been superstitious about football, which has led to some ridiculous routines over the years. These days, I’ve settled on a very particular routine for games I’m not at, which consists of not wearing traditional Leeds colours or any sportswear, putting my left everything on first (left sock then right sock and so forth) and drinking exclusively from the same pint glass.

The logic? If I didn’t do it and we lost, I’d spend days pondering whether the butterfly effect could even work to an extent that the colour of jumper I wore impacted whether eleven men on a field are capable of acting competently or not.

It’s a rankly ludicrous existence that I’ve decided on, really.

So, why do we do it?

I know I’m not alone in my superstitions and bizarre logic because we all know this club is capable of sending people to the brink. Sometimes that’s inhaling pots of jelly in an Aldi car park, at other times it’s just screaming ‘why?!’ repeatedly as you stare into the void, attempting to come to terms with the irrelevance of everything.

It’s funny. Nothing in life seems logical than when Leeds United lose a game of football. Yet when we win, nothing else matters.

When my series of superstitions (which at one point meant I could only sit in a very specific position on one part of the sofa during the run-in of the promotion season under Marcelo Bielsa) pay off, I feel like I’ve settled my score with the universe and brought balance to my life.

Much of football is about the things around the experience itself, be it the pint with mates beforehand, the cheery fanzine salesman by the Lowfields tunnel, the half-time pie you tuck inside your jacket to keep you warm on a freezing January night or even a silent celebration watching a midweek win on TV because the kids are asleep upstairs.

Which is why the lows feel so low and the highs feel so high, because we live it all through the experiences around the game. The actual moments of joy and disappointment are so instant and so fleeting that everything else becomes staging.

I’d wager there are hundreds, maybe even thousands, of Leeds fans who are convinced that all they need to do to guarantee a goal is head down to the toilets at Elland Road. That is superstition that’s ingrained from the moment you first stick on a Leeds top, swirl a scarf around your head and give someone a Leeds salute.

Will we ever break the curse?

There have been times when I’ve committed to ending the nonsense and I’ve ridded myself of all superstitions.

The problem with doing that is it only lasts as long as my mind is willing to let it. Or, more accurately, as long as our fortunes remain positive (in a relative sense, at least). After all, you can hardly expect me to sit by ignoring my superstitions as Arsenal knock in a fifth, can you?

Admittedly, there are times when I follow every superstition in the book and Leeds still go to Turf Moor and chuck in a 2-0 defeat that’s as dismal as they come. But imagine how much worse it might have been had I worn a Leeds shirt and drunk from a different receptacle?

Superstitions, curses and injustice will follow this football club until its dying day, which will either be the day the world stops turning round or an injustice so great it’ll scarcely seem believable.

But one day, when the new Elland Road development is complete and they bless all four corners of the ground and the new bespoke cheese room and winery, I might decide enough’s enough and I’ll simply enjoy watching Leeds United for what it is.

Until that day, I’ll remain a superstitious husk of a human being the moment Leeds United take to the field, only pausing to enjoy those euphoric moments when the ball hits the back of the net. ⬢