Does Frank Lampard know the club at Coventry? Well, not really. He managed a total of nine appearances against them over the span of a 21-year playing career, mostly with West Ham over two decades ago. There are probably few clubs in the top two divisions he knows less well. So, if Frank wasn’t relying on his usual credentials then what were the board at the Sky Blues thinking when they gave him the job?

Perhaps some of the board members were in need of some child care in a cost of living crisis. Lampard recently said of his last job (that he somehow fell into after being sacked by Everton):

“When I rejoined Chelsea I went into a job that was a bit of babysitting from me, in terms of going in to tide them over for seven weeks, and I learned a lot, not in terms of coaching because it was not a coaching job, but a holding the baby job while the transition was happening.”

So he learned nothing about football coaching but is now an expert babysitter, gotcha. Hold the head, Frank.

In fairness, judging by their social media output, Coventry seem to think they’ll be doing a similar babysitting job for Frank. A bizarrely in-depth graphic posted by the club’s official account listed, among other engagements, ‘Frank’s first words.’ Maybe they’re perfect for each other after all. Hold the head coach, Coventry.

When’s he going for a shit?

— RussiaBotNo1 (@digitalfire__) November 28, 2024

And what about the fans, what do they think? Well, they seem mostly to view Frank Lampard as a new director of football, rather than head coach, hoping that his Chelsea connections will allow him to fill the ranks with his former employer’s cast-offs. If this is true, it’s maybe more incredible than his continuing employment. This is a man who was quietly let go — “unfortunately we won’t be able to renew your contract at this time, Frank” — after producing one win in eleven and a first bottom-half finish for Chelsea since 1996. It’s like getting sacked from a job for gross incompetence, enjoying a full pay off, and then a year and a half later turning round and asking if you could please just have one of the work laptops because you’ve spilled coffee on your space bar and it’s a bit sticky now.

Incidentally, the last time he was in the Championship, those loan signings included Fikayo Tomori, Mason Mount and Harry Wilson. And they helped him take Derby from 6th to 6th.

Lampard’s reign at Coventry got off to a pretty incredible start even by his standards. 1-0 down after four minutes at home to Cardiff, a team who hadn’t won away all season, and who had one point from the previous four games coming into the meeting with the under-new-management Coventry. The man himself said in his post match interview: “We started the game, I thought, pretty well.” Yeah, I bet those three minutes were really something, pal.

To be fair to the man from Romford, he did rally his troops to earn a point with a penalty in the 88th minute. Although, looked at another way, he came a couple of minutes from handing the team who started the day in 21st their first away win of the season. One fan podcast called it “frankly dreadful”. It’s not a great start, even if that is a decent pun they’ll no doubt get to use again and again.

The squad he has inherited were clearly playing right to the end for their new manager though. I wonder what he said to inspire them. Well, in episode 117 of City Unseen on Coventry’s YouTube channel, Lampard is filmed delivering the following rousing speech:

“Our job is not to come here and be head coach and manager and tell you what to do. Our job is support, be alongside you… I wanna be in this together… Everyone is as important as the other, to make Coventry go that way [points at 45 degrees].”

Fair enough. Makes complete sense. Good luck to Frank Lampard’s Coventry City in this endeavour.

Given the free pass he often gets in the media, added to the apparently limitless supply of Chelsea youth players he is able to tap into, you’ll forgive my skepticism when he comes out swinging in interviews, recently saying: “It’s much easier to work in the media, to sit at home or play golf.”

Now, I’m shit at golf so I’m going to leave that alone, but is it really easier to work in the media, Frank? Because I’m sitting here typing and I’m frankly incredibly concerned that A) you’ve somehow gone and got another job, and more pressingly B) I’m going to look like a proper idiot when you do alright at it.

Reading this, you might be in a similar position, whether it’s because you’ve been running your mouth on Twitter or with a work colleague. So, here’s some hope if you (or I) end up needing it.

According to footystats.org at the time of writing, Coventry have the 5th best xG differential in the league this season, indicating that they’ve actually played a lot better than their league position would suggest. This is perhaps borne out by the fact that in the three games prior to Lampard’s arrival, they played Burnley (3rd), Sheffield United (2nd) and Sunderland (4th) and only lost one of those. He perhaps isn’t taking over quite the impossible job he will no doubt claim in the future. See, Frank — we do analysis too.

Leeds face Coventry next on February 8, that’s in thirteen league games’ time for the Sky Blues. Is that enough time for him to get sacked? Maybe. Is it enough time to put himself perfectly on the verge of being sacked? I reckon so. As he said after his latest unveiling: “As a manager you know you’re going to have to prove someone wrong, it doesn’t matter if it’s me or Pep Guardiola.” Go on then, Frank. Prove a whole city wrong. ⬢

(Photograph by Barrington Coombs, via Alamy)