"We watch youtube"

Victor Orta is at it again, and now he wants credit for Archie Gray

Written by: William Almond
Artwork by: Rob Palmer
An illustration of Victor Orta as a sad clown. It's a metaphor.

What would you do if you were watching football in the south of Spain, pint in hand as the sun begins to set on a glorious thirty degree Sunday? You’d boo Victor Orta. Of course you would.

And it turns out you have that in common with 2,000 supporters who did exactly that as they watched Sevilla’s reserves draw 2-2 with Antequera last month at Estadio Jesús Navas. Should you ever find yourself in the same situation, Google translate suggests the Spanish for sack the board is ‘sacquear el tablero’. (This is almost certainly not the Spanish for ‘sack the board’.)

Orta’s crimes against Sevilla are perhaps not as numerous as those he inflicted on Leeds United, but it’s perhaps no surprise that those fans chose to give him an earful in a stadium named after club legend Navas. The winger played over 500 games for Los Nervionenses, but thought his career at the club was over in May of this year after “no one called” him about a new contract. It seems likely the “no one” in question should have been Victor Orta. Following furious fan reaction Navas eventually signed a ‘lifetime deal’ with the club. It was not reported whether this contract included a loan clause if Sevilla are relegated at any point between now and 2050.

At the time of writing Sevilla are 12th in La Liga, which might not seem great for a club that until recently treated the Europa League as if it were an annual invitational held at the Ramon Sanchez-Pizjuan, but is actually a significant improvement on the relegation spot they briefly occupied earlier in the campaign.

You might ask, with some justification, why on earth we’re even talking about Orta — a man who left Leeds over a year ago. Well, firstly, it’s fair to say his legacy at the club lives on. And no, I’m not talking about the £1m we received as part of a sell-on clause when Orta sold European superstar Max Dean to MK Dons. I’m not talking about that.

But more importantly, and annoyingly, due to Orta’s incredibly scattergun approach to recruitment, there is an almost constant barrage of online clickbait linking him and Leeds in some incredibly tenuous way. Add Victor Orta to the list of names who will appear in these headlines alongside Leeds United until the heat death of the universe — I wonder if he’d enjoy a pint with Ryan Kent? The latest of these stories concerns Archie Gray, who Orta is apparently determined to sign on loan from Spurs, almost as if he has completely run out of ideas.

On the surface this seems unlikely. Although Gray has struggled for game-time in the Premier League this season — playing just 41 minutes across five substitute appearances — he has played the full ninety in all of Spurs’ Europa League and League Cup games, allowing Ange Postecoglu to rest some of his other players. You know, the ones who have been able to legally buy a pint for longer than a year. More problematically, Orta, in a stunning departure from his usual form, has apparently already managed to annoy those in charge at Spurs. Alejo Veliz joined Sevilla on loan last January and then played just 31 minutes in Spain. That said, Fizzy Leipzig bafflingly allowed Victor to double dip by signing Tyler Adams even as they were in the process of suing Leeds over the botched Big Kev transfer, so who really knows.

The real clincher though, comes in the opening paragraph from Spanish outlet Mucho Deporte, who broke the Archie Gray ‘story’. Rather than leading with any detail on Gray’s mooted move, they offer a bizarre tribute to Orta, praising his foresight for putting Gray in the shop window ‘in such a globalised environment’.

Not only is it pretty clearly dictated straight from the mouth of Orta himself, but it’s completely detached from reality. Gray’s first-team experience during Orta’s tenure consisted of twelve ‘appearances’ on the bench. Perhaps Victor thought this would interest clubs whose recruitment strategy consisted entirely of scouting the most telegenic footballers. But surely no one would actually do that? Well, our Parmo-eating friend gets pretty close by his own admission, justifying the signing of striker Mariano Diaz (thirteen games, one assist) by saying, “We’re not stupid, we watch YouTube.” I wonder if he ever catches the live Match Ball (available to TSB+ members immediately after all Leeds games!).

To be fair to those at Sevilla, they don’t seem completely unaware that their sporting director is an utter liability, having attempted to appoint Mateu Alemany, former general manager at Barcelona, to oversee some of his duties. Orta, it appears, was having none of it. Picture the scene. President José María del Nido Carrasco sits at one end of a long oak table asking Victor if he wouldn’t maybe like some help, while the man himself sits at the other flicking the Vs like he’s just watched Patrick Bamford score a 95th-minute equaliser at Brentford.

Two weeks ago, from his vantage point in the posh seats at Camp Nou, Orta watched Barcelona destroy his Sevilla side 5-1. That rout was kicked off by a penalty given after a ‘foul’ on Raphinha (he dived, but that’s not important here). Imagining Orta watching this demolition at the hands of a team captained by the man he signed — and sold — at Leeds, it’s hard not to feel a bit sorry for the man. Hard, but not impossible. ⬢

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